How to find a life partner
THE FINDING PROCESS
Proverbs 18:22, Proverbs 20:6, Genesis 24:1-29
PREAMBLE
Finding is something that you must do if you must get married. God ordained the principle of finding because marriage is a very practical thing that does not make room for much sentiments. Sentiments will always give way eventually after marriage. The finding process begins with you – you must have done a great deal of self-finding for you to be able to successfully find your spouse.
People always end up marrying what they have found of themselves. If you end up marrying an unbeliever it only means that you have been an unbeliever all along. God will not invest so much in you and then give you to someone far less than where he has taken you. First know who you cannot marry and where you cannot marry from. This has nothing to do with tribe or race, rather it has to do with kingdoms. You cannot marry across the isle. You cannot marry from another kingdom. Whether you will fulfill destiny at all and get your birth right has a lot to do with whom you marry and where you marry from.
* ESAU missed his birth right partly because of where he married from-Genesis 26:34-35.
* JOSEPH –His name could not enter the 12 tribes of Israel because of whom he married. So Jacob had to carry out a rescue plan with his next generation. ---Genesis 48:
* BOAZ had to challenge his elder brother to marry Ruth and all her liabilities and he declined because he did not want to lose his inheritance.-----Ruth 4:1
HOW TO FIND YOURSELF
* What is your vision for life?
* What are your short, mid and long term goals?
* What are your talents?
* What is your obsession, what excites you and turns you on? Talking about your passion.
* What do you perceive to be your ministry?
* How do you love to spend your time i.e. what consumes most of your time?
* What would you do joyfully even if you were not paid?
* How do you and how would you love to spend your money? Your spending pattern reveals you. Where your heart is, there your treasure is.
* What takes a largest chunk of your income?
* If you were to spend the rest of your life with someone what kind of person would you love her/ him to be?
* In what way would you love her/him to help you?
* What would the person do to make you really love him/her deeply i.e. how would you love him/her to fit into your life ?
FINDING A WIFE – Proverbs 18:22
Everyman is in search for something in a woman. The first thing any man is searching for is a WIFE in a woman. If you can be a wife ahead of time, then you will easily be found. This means that there has to be some “wifely” qualities showing forth themselves in your life.
Unfortunately, most young ladies are posing for the wrong crowd or the wrong man.
There is a way you live your life and comport yourself that reveals a wife you. You’ve got to learn to pose for where you are going, dress for where you are going, talk like where you want to be. A man always knows when they see a wife. The next thing a man is looking for is goodness.
There must be some goodness to offer. Rebecca was just simply good. Rebecca served a man she never met before and never knew. She fetched nothing less than a hundred gallons of water for his camels that day. Genesis 24:1-29. Proverbs 31 simply describes a good woman and not a flashy woman. How good are you in relationships, domestics, service etc.?
FINDING A HUSBAND – Proverbs 20:6
Every woman who desires to marry is searching for faithfulness in a man. The man must have the spirit of faithfulness in him even if he doesn’t have anything else. Men may declare their own goodness but what you are looking for in a man is not goodness but faithfulness.
This means that a man can be good but not faithful. Unfaithfulness destroys every goodness in a man.
HOW TO DETECT UNFAITHFULNESS
1. ARE HIS ACTIONS CONSISTENT WITH HIS WORDS? If his words are not faithful words then he is not a faithful man. Proverbs 21:11-13
2. IS HE ALWAYS COMPLAINING THAT HE DOESN’T HAVE MONEY?
In that case you know that you do not have a faithful man. Money is a very powerful way to test a man’s faithfulness. If he is financially unfaithful he would cause you untold hardship in the future. He should have some financial management skills
3. DOES HE EASILY GET ANGRY?
A man with anger problems is unpredictable in all his ways. He is like a city without walls or defense. He is eventually unbalanced. Faithfulness implies that the man can be predictable.
WHAT ARE HIS MORAL VALUES – 1 Corinthians 5:9-11
* Does he always want to get intimate and physical with you?
* Does he always want to touch sensitive parts of your body?
* Is he asking for sex?
* Do you notice that he does not have controlled relationship with the opposite sex? – i.e. he has roving eyes
If he does it means that he is still searching for his wife meaning that he has not found the person yet.
IS HE A COMMITED AND FAITHFUL MEMBER OF A CHURCH?
* Is he faithful in tithing, service and contribution to his church?
* Is he submitted to his pastor? A man without a pastor will not appreciate your submission.
* A man who does not tithe is a disaster waiting to happen. Malachi 3:10 – he will be devoured
WHO ARE HIS CLOSEST ASSOCIATES? 1 Corinthians 15:33
By the kind of friends he has you can tell what he is going to be like eventually.
IS HE UNNECESSARILY CONTROLLING AND DOMINEERING?
* It is a sign of lack of trust and jealousy
HOW TO KNOW GOODNESS AND WIFE QUALITIES
* HOW IS HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER PARENTS AND SIBLINGS? EPH. 6:1-2. If she does not relate well with them you may not stand a chance. If she is too close to them you may not stand a chance either.
* CHECK OUT HER CIRCLES OF FRIENDS – that helps you to know her value system.
* IS SHE EXCESSIVELY FLASHY AND EXPENSIVE? Even when she doesn’t have the means. It means that she is high minded and may not go through some humble beginning with you. She will not be patient and tolerating. It means that she really minds what people have to say about her status etc.
* IS SHE VERY FLIPANT? It means that she could get you into trouble. Your secrets may not be safe with her.
* WHAT ARE THE MAJOR HEAVINESS OF HER DISCUSSION
* Are they gossip, slanders, people or issues?
* How does she talk to people – Is she despiteful in her talk or approach to people?
* How does she relate with her pastors and spiritual guides?
* Is she committed in her church?
* In terms of attendance, tithing, service. Through her church involvement you can discern her direction in life.
* Is she always demanding for money or things from you?
* How caring is she? – by her counsel and advise
* How does she take it when you are in difficulty i.e. when things are not forth coming
* Is she unnecessarily jealous and insecure in the relationship especially when you talk to other ladies? It is a sign of lack of trust.
Proverbs 18:22, Proverbs 20:6, Genesis 24:1-29
PREAMBLE
Finding is something that you must do if you must get married. God ordained the principle of finding because marriage is a very practical thing that does not make room for much sentiments. Sentiments will always give way eventually after marriage. The finding process begins with you – you must have done a great deal of self-finding for you to be able to successfully find your spouse.
People always end up marrying what they have found of themselves. If you end up marrying an unbeliever it only means that you have been an unbeliever all along. God will not invest so much in you and then give you to someone far less than where he has taken you. First know who you cannot marry and where you cannot marry from. This has nothing to do with tribe or race, rather it has to do with kingdoms. You cannot marry across the isle. You cannot marry from another kingdom. Whether you will fulfill destiny at all and get your birth right has a lot to do with whom you marry and where you marry from.
* ESAU missed his birth right partly because of where he married from-Genesis 26:34-35.
* JOSEPH –His name could not enter the 12 tribes of Israel because of whom he married. So Jacob had to carry out a rescue plan with his next generation. ---Genesis 48:
* BOAZ had to challenge his elder brother to marry Ruth and all her liabilities and he declined because he did not want to lose his inheritance.-----Ruth 4:1
HOW TO FIND YOURSELF
* What is your vision for life?
* What are your short, mid and long term goals?
* What are your talents?
* What is your obsession, what excites you and turns you on? Talking about your passion.
* What do you perceive to be your ministry?
* How do you love to spend your time i.e. what consumes most of your time?
* What would you do joyfully even if you were not paid?
* How do you and how would you love to spend your money? Your spending pattern reveals you. Where your heart is, there your treasure is.
* What takes a largest chunk of your income?
* If you were to spend the rest of your life with someone what kind of person would you love her/ him to be?
* In what way would you love her/him to help you?
* What would the person do to make you really love him/her deeply i.e. how would you love him/her to fit into your life ?
FINDING A WIFE – Proverbs 18:22
Everyman is in search for something in a woman. The first thing any man is searching for is a WIFE in a woman. If you can be a wife ahead of time, then you will easily be found. This means that there has to be some “wifely” qualities showing forth themselves in your life.
Unfortunately, most young ladies are posing for the wrong crowd or the wrong man.
There is a way you live your life and comport yourself that reveals a wife you. You’ve got to learn to pose for where you are going, dress for where you are going, talk like where you want to be. A man always knows when they see a wife. The next thing a man is looking for is goodness.
There must be some goodness to offer. Rebecca was just simply good. Rebecca served a man she never met before and never knew. She fetched nothing less than a hundred gallons of water for his camels that day. Genesis 24:1-29. Proverbs 31 simply describes a good woman and not a flashy woman. How good are you in relationships, domestics, service etc.?
FINDING A HUSBAND – Proverbs 20:6
Every woman who desires to marry is searching for faithfulness in a man. The man must have the spirit of faithfulness in him even if he doesn’t have anything else. Men may declare their own goodness but what you are looking for in a man is not goodness but faithfulness.
This means that a man can be good but not faithful. Unfaithfulness destroys every goodness in a man.
HOW TO DETECT UNFAITHFULNESS
1. ARE HIS ACTIONS CONSISTENT WITH HIS WORDS? If his words are not faithful words then he is not a faithful man. Proverbs 21:11-13
2. IS HE ALWAYS COMPLAINING THAT HE DOESN’T HAVE MONEY?
In that case you know that you do not have a faithful man. Money is a very powerful way to test a man’s faithfulness. If he is financially unfaithful he would cause you untold hardship in the future. He should have some financial management skills
3. DOES HE EASILY GET ANGRY?
A man with anger problems is unpredictable in all his ways. He is like a city without walls or defense. He is eventually unbalanced. Faithfulness implies that the man can be predictable.
WHAT ARE HIS MORAL VALUES – 1 Corinthians 5:9-11
* Does he always want to get intimate and physical with you?
* Does he always want to touch sensitive parts of your body?
* Is he asking for sex?
* Do you notice that he does not have controlled relationship with the opposite sex? – i.e. he has roving eyes
If he does it means that he is still searching for his wife meaning that he has not found the person yet.
IS HE A COMMITED AND FAITHFUL MEMBER OF A CHURCH?
* Is he faithful in tithing, service and contribution to his church?
* Is he submitted to his pastor? A man without a pastor will not appreciate your submission.
* A man who does not tithe is a disaster waiting to happen. Malachi 3:10 – he will be devoured
WHO ARE HIS CLOSEST ASSOCIATES? 1 Corinthians 15:33
By the kind of friends he has you can tell what he is going to be like eventually.
IS HE UNNECESSARILY CONTROLLING AND DOMINEERING?
* It is a sign of lack of trust and jealousy
HOW TO KNOW GOODNESS AND WIFE QUALITIES
* HOW IS HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER PARENTS AND SIBLINGS? EPH. 6:1-2. If she does not relate well with them you may not stand a chance. If she is too close to them you may not stand a chance either.
* CHECK OUT HER CIRCLES OF FRIENDS – that helps you to know her value system.
* IS SHE EXCESSIVELY FLASHY AND EXPENSIVE? Even when she doesn’t have the means. It means that she is high minded and may not go through some humble beginning with you. She will not be patient and tolerating. It means that she really minds what people have to say about her status etc.
* IS SHE VERY FLIPANT? It means that she could get you into trouble. Your secrets may not be safe with her.
* WHAT ARE THE MAJOR HEAVINESS OF HER DISCUSSION
* Are they gossip, slanders, people or issues?
* How does she talk to people – Is she despiteful in her talk or approach to people?
* How does she relate with her pastors and spiritual guides?
* Is she committed in her church?
* In terms of attendance, tithing, service. Through her church involvement you can discern her direction in life.
* Is she always demanding for money or things from you?
* How caring is she? – by her counsel and advise
* How does she take it when you are in difficulty i.e. when things are not forth coming
* Is she unnecessarily jealous and insecure in the relationship especially when you talk to other ladies? It is a sign of lack of trust.
How to find a life partner
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